Friday Diary: Hitler’s Eyebrow

Okay, so maybe I won’t be writing a diary every week. Since the return we’ve had a Grim Bash (Grimmie, where’s the post on that, eh?) and a weekend where we just weren’t funny. I know, it’s difficult to believe. Last night we were back on form though, and I have a cryptic set of notes to prove it. All I have to do is translate them. 

Are my eyebrows straight?

Did I draw my eyebrows straight?

The night began as many do with some Rocket League. It’s rare that we have just the right amount of people for 5punker vs Random matches, and this was no exception. Which is okay, because failure in Rocket League is as hilarious as success is satisfying so it doesn’t matter so much when Berk channels Bits and beats my team three times in a row. I’m starting to wonder if I’m the common factor.

Knowing we’d most likely go back to it later, we dropped Rocket League after a few games when more people had arrived, and moved to Overwatch. This did result in us playing against randoms, and in true competitive team-based gaming style, anguish ensued. I remember we discussed win ratios and peoples’ perception of them – I’m sure I’ve read that someone with a 1:1 win/lose ratio will feel ass though they’re losing too much. It’s a bias I should probably write about at some point, but most of us confirmed ours were more like 1:3 so at least we know we’re genuinely shit.

Winston's spare suit is always happy.

Winston’s spare suit is always happy.

As it happened we played okay last night, but nobody cares about that. Pnut opened up the conversation, and I forget how it came about, by quoting a friend of a friend who was seen to declare on social media:

Got a fresh cut and a nine and shine.

In polling us as to what this meant and whether it indicated the originator was a cunt, we decided that he had been to a hair stylist and tanning salon. And that, yes, it did. Still, interesting to know that Pnut is only one separation from a US presidential candidate.

Both Roman and I have barbers who will offer to trim our eyebrows, as the conversation pressed on to reveal. I have never had a problem with this service, but Roman has not been so lucky. On one occasion he found his barber had been rather overzealous with the outer ends of his eyebrows, while neglecting the middle parts. I know that Roman sports a fierce monobrow, so in my mind he looked like he was wearing Hitler’s face upside down.

Roman, yesterday.

Roman, yesterday.

We suck at Overwatch, and so after several of us got severely underwhelming loot boxes we split for a little while into Rocket League again and Battlefield 4, then decided to move on to Quiplash. This has been a 5punky regular for some time, deliberately comedy game that it is. Similar to Cards Against Humanity,  players are given a statement with a blank to fill in, and everyone else votes on the funniest. I believe it was Fab who compared it to Blankety Blank and FJ was quickly identified as our own Les Dawson, his gurning pout and huge fake tits making him a dead ringer.

Quiplash (and its stablemates from the Jackbox set) is really a party game to be played with friends in the same room. 5punkers are troglodytes with no friends though, so we use the wonders of the internet to do it instead. This generally involves us launching several group Skype calls with us distributed unevenly amongst them, switching back and forth in an attempt to get everyone in the same place at the same time. In the meantime we will inevitably have several who forget to mute themselves and start echoing from using two VOIP clients at once. It’s a great game.

I think I've seen the first one.

I think I’ve seen the first one.

Once we get started hilarity generally ensues. We realised the other week that we’ve created some sort of comedy echo chamber and occasionally become a 5punky singularity where everyone answers AIDS or something. Quiplash deliberately sets us up for puerile answers, and we’ve poked at our taste boundaries on more than a few occasions, but there’s not usually much fun to be had in obvious answers.

We diverted elsewhere into Jackbox last night, which is unusual but it breaks things up a bit. After Roman thrashed us all at being funny we thought a game where the objective is to lie convincingly might be more even. Fibbage was indeed a nice change of pace, but I think Roman still won.

One response to “Friday Diary: Hitler’s Eyebrow

  1. That fucking duck.

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