Friday Diary: Chicken Bomb

The monkey theme has evolved into chickens. I’m developing theories as to who is pushing which agenda, and am starting to pinpoint the main simian / galline antagonists. To think, once it was only horses. Now it’s all-out creature conflict.

The monkey-chicken war escalates

The first casualty is innocence (and 12 million people)

Rocket League was, as ever, deemed a suitable place to start. We were a little short on people at first, and in fact we were missing a number of usual suspects all night for various reasons, which made for a relatively quiet session. It didn’t take long to get eight or so of us playing though.

While playing again with the Rumble mode, that in which the cars have random power-ups like boxing gloves on springs and spikes which trap the ball, Pnut raised the remarkable spectacle of wheelchair tennis. I’m sure that sport is hard and impressive (insert dick joke as desired), but it seemed like a wasted opportunity to pass up on comparisons with another, fictional, wheeled sport. Mobility scooter Rocket League was the obvious outcome, and with Wifey in possession of such a contraption we tried to convince her to set up a team. Turns out she’d already tried something similar, but I bet there weren’t boxing gloves on springs. We need this sport.

It would be awesome

It would be awesome

My memory fails me again as to why we were taking about butt plungers – that is, a plunger for your butt rather than something which would plunge into your butt. Although possibly said article could do both. There’s a plunger on a spring in Rumble Mode (springs are popular), so I’m assuming it’s related. Rather than struggle to remember, or move on without further elaboration, I’ll just make it up instead. So the butt plunger was both a practical decongestant and a useful way of transporting footballs. Sounds feasible.

The term ‘bullshitly’ became a temporary meme for the evening, coined by Bali as a description for one of the Rocket League pitches. The precise phrase was “this pitch is designed bullshitly,” referring to its octagonal shape funnelling balls towards the goal mouth. We agreed, and continued to use variations on the word for the rest of the evening.

By the end of Rocket League we had developed a discussion on the best crisps. This became animated when I claimed Fish and Chips to be the second best, while others argued that they were no more crisps than Mini Cheddars were. Beef Monster Munch were suggested and received little more favourably. Everyone had a different opinion, and no conclusion was reached.

However these are the best crisps.

However these are the best crisps.

About this time is when the chickens came up. Berk likes chickens. He hoards them, strokes them, occasionally eats them. He has fluffy ones that look like they’re wearing sheepskin chaps. Or that look like mushroom clouds. I don’t know how they taste. Wifey declared that some chickens can grow pretty large, but the claim of “two or three feet” seemed like an exaggeration, and as we started to play Overwatch we were discussing small children riding domestic fowl.

We had a good game of Overwatch. We somehow were evenly matched against the same opponents for a good few games, and it swung between us stomping them, and then being whitewashed in return. Veteran 5punker and lurker admin Spoodie appeared on our side out of the blue half way through. Some of the regulars had never heard him speak (and not being on Discord, last night was no exception), and speculation ranged from ‘deep like Dory talking to a whale in Finding Nemo’ to some weird hybrid of Mario and Joe Pasquale.

He does look like him though

He does look like him though

People were getting tired by then. Grimmie teased us by possibly playing Drawsome or Quiplash, then went quiet on us. The filthy tease. So Pnut convinced me alone to have a quick game of Golf With Your Friends before we retired. We picked up a random by accident who took the piss out of our lack of golfing skills, then sucked, then quit. Randoms eh.

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