Friday Diary: Shave That Monkey

We had an unusually chatty night last night. Not quite sure why, but it made for some strange conversation. Shaven monkeys feature heavily by way of a tenuous link taken well beyond any reasonable association. And why not, because it’s funny. 

Not bad for a Manchester girl.

Not bad for a Manchester girl.

The night began with some Overwatch. There’s a new map and we got busy in brawl mode (because Bali hates quick play). We were typically poor, which wound up Bali, and also a random named Seamus. I liked Seamus, he had a penchant for describing everything as having AIDS. He didn’t last long before he rage quit at our incompetence, but it was enough for us to launch into a series of Irish puns.

By the time we got over that I had started to play Mei. Mei, for those who don’t play, is a pain in the arse who freezes people and drops ice walls. When 5punkers play Mei you end up with lots of people exclaiming how ice walls blocked their escape and got them killed or stopped them finishing off an enemy on low health. It’s great fun, and as soon as I stopped playing her FJ joined and did exactly the same.

Something about Overwatch that has come up on several occasions is the size of Tracer’s hands. For a petite little athlete (with an awful British accent) she does have massive hands. We have, therefore, decided she must be trans-gender. Kudos to Blizz for being so inclusive, and Pnut holds up the 5punky support for our trans brothers and sisters by checking out her arse a lot.

No doubting she's post op in those trousers though.

No doubting she’s post op in those trousers though.

Next up was our old favourite, Rocket League. Usually our celebratory roars and cries of anguish drown out any conversation, but last night we were soon musing over how Donald Trump may actually be Dolph Lundgren in a fat suit wearing Gary Busey’s skin as a wig. It’s feasible.

I’m not really sure how we came to be talking about Pnut having monkeys in his basement. Pnut has just moved into a new house with a basement, and Roman posted a link on Discord earlier regarding Manchester having a high volume of monkeys, so I assume it was some collision of those things. Pnut has also long had a personal meme about having hookers in his basement. Sometimes alive, sometimes dead. At least I assume it’s a meme. This, naturally came round to transexual monkey hookers, tucking it back and pretending to be Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. Complete with impressions. You probably had to be there.

Would you monkey? I'd monkey. I'd monkey so hard.

Would you monkey? I’d monkey. I’d monkey so hard.

My notes tell me that we were talking about word filters, but I can’t remember that. If anyone remembers please do enlighten us in the comments. I do remember getting a little nostalgic about City of Heroes though. I mentioned it in the birthday posts, but we once staged a pride march. It was puerile and mainly to troll the large contingent of homophobic players we encountered, but it was fun. A couple of genuinely gay players congratulated us, so maybe we did a little good. After that we talked about shaving Pnut’s monkeys and giving them manicures.

Next game was Golf With Friends, which we all hate. I think they’ve put some more holes in the night level because we seemed to suck for longer. Creative naming of rooms is a constant in 5punky golf games, but the character limit stymied someone’s creativity and unfortunately we ended up with the particularly distasteful 5punkyrapetim. I had no input, I hasten to add. The responsible person also forgot to put a password on it, so we got a few randoms who we assumed were looking for Tim. Poor Tim. Both rage quit within the space of a few holes, although whether it was because of our poor golfing or because there was no Tim will remain a mystery.

He wouldn't have gone down easily anyway.

He wouldn’t have gone down easily anyway.

Quiplash followed soon after due to us all hating golf. It was late by this point, drinking had happened, it’s getting fuzzy. Shaven monkeys regularly featured in the answers, unsurprisingly. But also hilariously. There was reminiscing about bashes and confusion over who was at which one. Can’t really remember anything more, but I know I did have a nice Dalwhinnie.

Leave a Reply