Friday Diary: Grimmie’s Cock

Oh why do I always go for the rude titles? I remember stating that I had my diary title several times last night, but in the cold light of day only Grimmie’s cock stands out in my mind. This is the problem with my diary, I have a rather selective memory and so undoubtedly leave out hilarious moment, and also take a guess at how things happened and who said what. C’est la vie, just don’t believe everything I write.

It looks small because Grimmie has such big hands.

It looks small because Grimmie has such big hands.

The Friday gaming thread on the forums had thrown up a couple of suggestions for tonight in Counterstrike, Battlefield Bad Company 2, and the beta Just Cause 2 Multiplayer mod. Mention of Counterstrike had summoned Prof, our dedicatedly single minded CS player, but alas it was Just Cause 2 which won out, possibly because at least one person had purchased it specifically for this. We had maybe half a dozen or so of us in the game, out of about 700 people. If that sounds a lot bear in mind that the map for JC2 is something like four times the size of Skyrim’s, so even with that many people it wasn’t crowded. Needless to say, it was immediately confusing. Parachuting into the world’s biggest deathmatch, with helicopter gunships and sports cars, inevitably leads to unexpected and unfair death. Still, the size of the map means that it’s not hard to escape from the battles and break out on your own to play with a few of the toys.

and pick up hitchhikers.

and pick up hitchhikers.

The chat channel was hypnotically bad, full of racism, stupidity, trolling and Game of Thrones references. I found it hard to look away at times, like a gruesome car crash. We found pie island and Berk told us all how to teleport there then declared to the world that it was ours. Usurpers came to take it from us, then accused us of hacking when they failed. Then came back in a helicopter and killed us all. Such is life. So back it was to hurtling around at random in vehicles. The mod needs work yet, there are bugs and there’s no game to play past pissing about in a sandbox, but the net code seems sturdy and it handled the 700 players pretty well. As it was though, we got bored and went through the normal motions of trying to find a different game for us to play. We settled on Chivalry, wonderfully 5punky game as it is. Not the best choice in hindsight as only three of us ended up playing it – half didn’t own it (told you to buy it on sale guys) and Berk was having problems with Steam. It was still fun though, on a low grav server as usual. Somehow, despite being outnumbered, I managed to batter both Grimmie and Pnut for two rounds before we got bored through lack of players. But not before I chopped Grimmie in the dick.

Look at little Pnut there, getting all lairy.

Look at little Pnut there, getting all lairy.

As usual it came down to the game we all have and can, at bare minimum, tolerate. Most of us found Christmas presents waiting for us in the game which opened up like Russian dolls and revealed all sorts of strange crafting items. This allowed me to rename Tidehunter’s chunk of rowing boat “Kunkka’s Double Bass,” which pleased me greatly. We spent a good ten minutes on this, then realised we were missing Grimmie. I can’t remember exactly how it came about, but in summoning him we ended up talking about his cock. It seemed to draw his attention anyway (and he then went through the same ten minute present opening ritual). We returned to six (a different six) for Dota 2, although Pnut sat a round out so we played a proper bot match on easy. I’m sure they keep changing the difficulty of these bots because we absolutely wiped the floor with them, when a week or two ago we were getting battered. Anyway, with our confidence boosted we set out to play against real people. By a quirk of fate the other team setup allowed us to almost repeat the team we had for the bot match – Grimmie mid as Death Prophet, Bits and Berk top as Dazzle and Sniper, and Tezz and I bottom with Crystal Maiden and Slark. Again, we did pretty well – a 24 minute victory with a 10-34 score. It’s good to have a successful night every now and then to boost the confidence, and I’m glad to actually get a winning match for Slark in my profile. We then tried something a little more unusual with six of us. All mid. This is a hangover from the original Dota where everyone piles down the mid lane and no creeps spawn on the sides. It’s also interesting in that you can have multiples of the same hero. So for added amusement we decided to all go Sniper. Alas, I was already locked in to a randomed Venomancer after rejecting the initial roll of Morphling (see last week’s diary), so it was five Snipers and an insect. It was a good game though, very different from normal, less strategic and more tactical, concentrating on team fights right from the off.

Fucking Sniper!

Fucking Sniper!

As it got later and we were down to four, we tried a game of the new Wraith King mode. The idea is to protect the frozen Wraith King from successive waves of creeps and mobs, and later heroes, while collecting gold. It very much reminded me of Last Stand mode from Dawn of War 2, which is a good thing. I certainly enjoyed it more than the Roshan Hallowe’en event (although Roshan skipping around with a bucket of sweets was cute). We didn’t last long, maybe four rounds, but with the right characters and builds for mob bashing I think we could do better. It’s all for naught really – the shards you are given as a reward can buy packages, but we got about 20-30 from the match and the smallest reward is 8000 shards. Still, it’s fun to play.

Leave a Reply